Wisconsin residents might relate to this.. You might be from Wisconsin if ..... If you define Summer as three months of bad sledding... If your definition of a small town is one that only has one bar... If snow tires come standard on all your cars... If at least 50% of your relatives work on a dairy farm... If you have ever gotten frostbitten and sunburned in the same week... If you can identify a Michigan accent... If you know what "cow-tipping" is..... If you learned to drive a tractor before the training wheels were off your bike... If "Down South" to you means Chicago... If traveling coast to coast means going from Superior to Milwaukee... If the "Big Three" means Miller, Old Milwaukee & PBR If a brat is something you eat ... If you know that Eau Claire is not something you eat..... If you have no problem spelling Milwaukee.. If you don't have a coughing fit from one sip of Pabst Blue Ribbon... If you used to think Deer Season was included as an official school holiday... If You can actually pronounce and spell Oconomowoc... If you know what a bubbler is..... If the snow on your roof in August weighs more than you do... If your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a cow next to your blue spruce... If you think there should be a "FIB go home" bumper sticker on every car north of Madison... If a Friday night out is taking your girlfriend shining for deer... IF you go out for fish fry on every Friday... If you go to work in a snowsuit in the morning and return home wearing shorts... When you tell someone where you are from and they say: 'I thought that was part of Canada... If your idea of the seasons is Winter, Spring and the 4th of July... If you know how to polka.... If you think that Lutheran and Catholics ARE the major religions..... If formal wear is a flannel shirt, blue jeans and a baseball cap... If you define "swimming season" as Labor Day weekend... If you have more fishing poles than teeth... If you decided to have a picnic this summer because it fell on a weekend More Reasons You Might Be From Wisconsin! You know you're from Wisconsin when... 1. Every sweatshirt you own is either red and white or green and gold. 2. FFA was the most popular club in high school. (That's Future Farmers of America to the rest of you.) 3. You have eaten a cow pie at the State Fair. 4. The town you grew up in had a bar called Ma's Place. 5. Cheese is an important staple in your diet. 6. There was at least one kid in your class who had to help milk cows in the morning...phew! 7. You have to drive thirty minutes to the nearest movie theater. 8. You know how to pronounce "brat". 9. You loved it when the Brewers hit a home run so the lady would slide from the huge keg into the mug of beer. 10. Sunday morning at church involves lots of coffee, Jell-O molds and danish. 11. Country Kitchen was the place to meet after the party. (or Perkins ) 12. You know someone who can use "ja, der hey" in a sentence. 13. Your school lost half their student body during deer season. 14. You know how to polka. 15. At every wedding you have been to you have had to dance the hoky poky and the chicken dance. 16. You ever went to a wedding reception in a bowling alley. 17. You know it's traditional for the bride and groom to go bar hopping between the ceremony and the reception. 18. You own at least one cheese head. 19. Sunday afternoons are sacred for the Packer game! 20. You have ever been to State Street in Madison during a protest of something. 21. You have been to at least one house party on Johnson Street in Madison. 22. You get irritated at sports announcers that pronounce it "Wes-con-sin". 23. Your high school class went to the Pabst Theater to see "A Christmas Carol". 24. You thought everyone drank from "bubblers". 25. You went to the local tavern on Friday night for Fish Fry. 26. You have drank "white soda" (ie 7-Up, Sprite, etc). 27. You have experienced snow storms in April. 28. You have had school closed due to wind chills and frostbite warnings. 29. You know what a "flat-lander" is and you know all the "why Wisconsin is better than Illinois" jokes. 30. You get choked up when you hear the University Marching Band play "On Wisconsin". 31. You believe that Badgers will always beat Gophers. 31a. The Packers will always be better than the Vikings, no matter what the standings are. 32. You have been to a "BoDeans" concert. 33. You have ever partied at Summerfest, Festa Italiana,German Fest, Irish Fest or all of the above. 34. You or someone you know was a "Dairy Princess" at a county fair. 35. You have gone out of your way to eat ice cream at Gilles' or Kopp's. 36. And you know you're from Wisconsin if you saw Fargo and didn't hear an accent! And some more new reasons you are from Wisconsin You might be from Wisconsin if: You only know three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup You design your Halloween costumes to fit over a snowsuit The mosquitoes have landing lights You have more miles on your snowblower than your car or SNOWMOBILE! Goodyear Tire on any Saturday is busier than toy stores at Christmas You've taken your kids trick-or-treating in a blizzard Driving is better in the winter because the potholes fill in with snow Sexy lingerie is tube socks and a flannel nightie You owe more money on your snowmobile than on your car The local paper covers major headlines on * page, but requires 6 pages for sports At least twice a year, the kitchen doubles as a meat processing plant The most effective mosquito repellent is a shotgun Your snowblower gets stuck on the roof You think the start of deer season is a national holiday Your major church fundraiser isn't bingo-it's sausage making You head south to go to your cottage You know which leaves make good toilet paper You find 0 degrees a little chilly The trunk of you car doubles as a deep freezer You play hockey outdoors 10 months a year Your hometown buys a Zamboni when they need a bus You know what to do with a Blatz You actually understand these jokes You forward them to all your Wisconsin friends YOU KNOW YOU ARE IN WISCONSIN WHEN: l. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway. 2. "Vacation" means going to Crivitz for the weekend. 3. You measure distance in hours. 4. You know several people who have hit deer more than once. 5. You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day - and back again! 6. You use a down comforter in the summer - and gloves. 7. You drive at 65 miles per hour through l3 feet of snow during a raging blizzard, without flinching. 8. You see people wearing hunting clothes at social events. 9. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked. l0. You think of the major food groups as deer meat, beer, fish, and berries. 11. You carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend knows how to use them. 12. There are 7 empty cars running in the parking lot at the Fleet Farm at any given time. 13. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit. 14. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow. 15. You think sexy lingerie is tube socks and flannel pajamas. 16. You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction. 17. It takes you 3 hours to go to the store for one item even when you're in a rush because you have to stop and talk to everyone in town. 18. You buy your Christmas presents at Fleet Farm l9. You actually understand these jokes and forward them to all your friends from Wisconsin. "How to save your ass if you plan to visit Wisconsin this summer" - Issued by the Wisconsin Tourism Bureau to ALL visitors: 1) Don't order filet mignon or pasta primavera at Al's Lodge. It's a diner. They serve breakfast 24 hours a day. Let them cook something they know. If you upset the ladies in the kitchen they'll kick your ass. 2) Don't laugh at the names of our little towns (Sheboygan, Menomonee, Nekoosa, Prairie du Chien, etc.) or we will just have to kick your ass. 3) Don't order a bottle or a can of soda here. Here it's called "pop". Accept it. Doing otherwise can lead to an ass kicking. 4) We know our heritage. Most of us are more literate than you. We are also better educated and generally a lot nicer. Don't refer to us as a bunch of hicks or we'll kick your ass. 5) We have plenty of business sense. You have to make a living here. Naturally, we do sometimes have small lapses in judgment from time to time, but we are not dumb enough to let someone move to our state in order to run for the Senate. If someone tried to do that, we would kick her ass. 6) Don't laugh at our giant fiberglass fish and cows. Anything that inspires tourists to buy 50,000 postcards can't be bad. And don't laugh at our love and pride of cheese or we'll kick your ass. 7) We are fully aware of how cold it gets here in the winter, so shut the hell up. Just spend your money and get the hell out of here or we'll kick your ass. 8) Don't order the vegetarian special at the local diner. Everyone will instantly know that you're a tourist. Eat your steak well-done like God intended and have some potatoes with that, for heaven's sake! Also, don't ask what a hot dish is or we'll kick your ass. 9) Don't try to fake a Wisconsin accent. We don't have an accent. That will incite a riot and you will get your ass kicked. 10) Don't talk about how much better things are at home because we know better. Many of us have visited big-city hell-holes like Detroit, New York, and Chicago, and we have the scars to prove it. If you don't like it here, Interstate 90, 94, and 43 are ready when you are. Move your ass on home before it gets kicked. 11) Don't complain that Wisconsin has too many mosquitoes and farm land. If you whine about OUR scenic beauty we'll kick your ass all the way back to Chicago. 12) Don't ridicule our mannerisms. We only speak when spoken to. We hold doors open for others. We offer our seats to old folks because such things are expected of civilized people. Behave yourselves around our sweet, little gray-haired grandmothers or they will kick some manners into your ass, just like they did ours. 13) So you think we're quaint or losers because most of us live on the farm or in the woods? That's because we have enough sense to not live in filthy, smelly, crime-infested cesspools like New York or LA. Make fun of our fresh air and we'll kick your ass. 14) Oshkosh B'gosh is NOT a joke. Your ass will be kicked. 15) Last, but not least, DO NOT DARE to come out here and tell us how the prairies should "go back to the buffalo." This will get your ass shot (right after it is kicked). Just mention this once and you will go home in a pine box. Minus your ass. Now enjoy your visit and then go home. More of You know you are in Wisconsin when: 1. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway. 2. "Vacation" means going up nort' to Crivitz for the weekend. 3. You measure distance in hours. 4. You know several people who have hit deer more than once. 5. You often switch from 'heat' to 'AC' in the same day and back again! 6. Your whole family wears green and gold to church on Sunday. 7. You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching. 8. You see people wearing hunting clothes at social events. 9. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked. 10. You think of the major food groups being cheese, beer, fish, and venison. 11. You carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend knows how to use them. 12. There are 7 empty cars running in the parking lot at the Fleet Farm at any given time. 13. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit. 14. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow. 15. You refer to the Packers as 'we'. 16. You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter, and road construction. 17. You can identify an Illinois accent. 18. You have no problem spelling Milwaukee. 19. You consider Madison exotic. 20. You don't have a coughing fit from one sip of Pabst Blue ribbon. 21. Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a cow next to your blue spruce. 22. You were unaware that there is a legal drinking age. 23. Down South to you means Chicago. 24. A brat is something you eat. 25. Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new machine shed. 26. You go out for a fish fry every Friday. 27. You know how to polka. 28. Your 4th of July Family Picnic was moved indoors due to frost. 29. You have more miles on your snowblower than on your car. 30. You find '0' degrees "a little chilly". 31. You know what to do with a Blatz.... 32. You actually understand these jokes and you forward them to all your Wisconsin friends. Wisconsin Dictionary Hey Dere! C'meer once - you gots to read dis a couple-two-tree words on how ta talk like yer from Scansin, hey. It's a humdinger! Sit down witch'er brat an' brewski n yer blaze-orange and, cripes sake, in the spirit of Bart and Vince, take a gander, ain-a-hey? 1. AIN-A-HEY: placed at the end of a profound statement; as in "isn't it?" 2. BART: a Green Bay institution who doesn't need a last name; (see"Vince"). 3. BELIEVE-YOU-ME: attached to the beginning or end of a statement, makes it more credible; as in, "Really!" 4. BLAZE-ORANGE: what deer hunters and cold-weather Packers fans wear to Lambeau Field. Also a popular color for jail uniforms. 5. BORN IN A BARN?: a sarcastic question which usually means you left the door open or could not correctly differentiate between an alewife and a smelt. 6. BORROW: used in place of lend, as in, "Could youse borrow me a couple two-tree bucks, yah hey?" 7. BRAT: a sausage; a Wisconsin tailgate favorite; doesn't have anything to do with a spoiled kid. 8. BUBBLER: to the rest of the world outside Wisconsin's borders, it's known as a drinking fountain. 9. BUDGE: to merge without permission; cut in; as in "Don't you budge in line for a brat, I was here first!" 10. BY: to, near; as in "Let's go by One-Eyed Jack's" or, "She'll come by da house tonight." 11. CHEDDARHEAD: someone from Wisconsin; see, "Cheesehead." 12. CHEESEHEAD: someone from Wisconsin; see, "Cheddarhead." 13. CHEESE CURD: small pieces of fresh cheese that squeak when you bite into them 14. COMEER ONCE: a request for the presence of another Cheddarhead. 15. COUPLE-TWO-TREE more than one; as in "Delmer and I drank a couple-two-tree beers." 16. CRIPES: a Wisconsin expletive. 17. CRIPES-SAKE: a mild Wisconsin expletive. 18. CRIPES-SAKES-ALMIGHTY: a major Wisconsin expletive. 19. DA: substitute for words beginning with "TH;" as in, "Da guy over dere in da Bears shirt dere." 20. DAVENPORT: What your mom called "the sofa;" a couch. 21. FAIR-TA-MIDDLIN: Not bad or great, just "O.K." 22. FISH FRY: a Friday night dining ritual in Wisconsin. 23. FLEET FARM: A Cheddarhead's answer to Bloomingdales. 24. FROZEN TUNDRA: Lambeau Field. 25. GEEEZ!: Another Wisconsin expletive. 26. GOAHEAD: Proceed; as in, "go ahead and back up your car dere." 27. GOTS: used in place of "have;" as in, "I gots my tickets to watch da Packers play on da Frozen Tund! ra." 28. GOL-DURN: Another Wisconsin expletive. 29. HEY: placed at the beginning or end of phrases for emphasis, as in, "Hey, hows 'bout dem Packers?" or "Hows 'bout dem Packers, Hey!" 30. HOWS-BY-YOU?: a greeting; the same as, "How's everything?" 31. HUMDINGER: a beauty; as in "dat croppy youse caught up-nort is a real humdinger." 32. JOHN DEERE: a Cheddarhead's other vehicle. 33. LEAKER: (n) One who lacks the mental or physical stamina to continue partying. 34. M'WAKEE: Wisconsin's largest city; located just down the lake from T'rivers and Man'twoc. 35. N-SO?: a word inserted at the end of a statement; (sometimes pronounced as AIN-SO), used as a substitute for "isn't that right?" or "Correct?" 16. OH, YAH: Depending on emphasis, it's either used as acknowledgment(as "That's correct") or skepticism (That's bull!). 37. PERT-NEER: (sometimes pronounced "PRET-NEAR": in close proximity; just about. 38. POLKA: the national dance of Wisconsin. 39. RUBBERS: protection for your shoes; also known as "G'loshes." 40. SCANSIN: the state where Cheeseheads are from. 41. SCHMEAR: a card game; also a term used when someone gets beat in a game of Sheepshead. 42. SHEEPSHEAD: another card game. 43. SIDE-BY-EACH: used instead of "next to each other." 44. SKEETER: Wisconsin's state bird. 45. START WIT ME LAST: to forfeit your turn. 46. STOP-AND-GO LIGHTS: what everyone else refers to as traffic signals. 47. TREE: The number between two and four. 48. UN-THAW: to defrost or thaw. 49. WHERE-ABOUTS: locality; proximity; as in, "where-abouts are youse-guys from?" 50. UP NORT: where Wisconsinites go on vacation, if you're from M'wakee, upnort is anywhere outside of town - Kenosha can be Up Nort if yer from M'wakee. 51. UP-SIDE-RIGHT: right side up. 52. VINCE: the other Green Bay icon who doesn't need a last name for instant recognition; (see "Bart"). Recently, "Brett" was also added to this category. 53. WIH-SKON'-TSUN: the way you can tell the speaker is not a real Wisconsinite. 54. YAH-HEY: affirmative, but can be added reinforce request. 55. YAH-SURE-YOU-BETCHA: yes, you are correct.